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the sixth stage of grief

by Pyrophoria

/

about

My best friend died, I was sick from my autoimmune disorder which was worsened by COVID, I was being emotionally abused by a narcissist (see my album "Dream Sequence"), was hating my full-time job because of the way I am treated, and a mother figure was diagnosed with cancer.

I came home one night and wrote this.

lyrics

I don’t plead the fifth
This is the sixth
Six six six
Sixes mine
Never could find
The sound
The solid ground
Of a sound mind

Black-painted
My glass tainted
Cascaded
I have waited
Jack fell, well Jill was jaded

Thought I had made it
I hate it
I’m afraid it
Faded
I was fated
Death or maybe outdated

Without a hearse
An unheard verse
A new way to curse
A new day first
I am the fucking worst
I am fucking submersed
At a gravesite
Where I’m not laid right
"Down she goes!"
Said the playwright
Six feet ain’t the same height
From which I fell
Went through hell
There’s a gun and I run and I spun quite well
Get me out of my shell
Bomb or wronged
In every song
I beg for a spell
To break to take
Me out of this…well
I’m an explosion if you’ve ever known one
And at 6 feet
My sweet
You just might fucking tell

But I must be a leech
Because every practice I preach
I just teach
A new way to be bled
Jacket full of lead
I’m cocked in the head
Maybe I am dead
And missed the end
Don’t pretend
I was means
When I watched you fend
There’s a letter to say doing better
That I must send
She just grinned
For ever cross there’s a bend
In the back and I bear
It I wear it
Like a heart must crack
The life painted black
Strife, amnesiac
Sylvia Plath had it right
I live on out of spite

One bullet one gun
But for me it's just begun
In deep, in deep
This is the sixth stage
The sixth stage of grief
Is when there's no relief

Immortality
Immorality
What’s it for
Sixes and nines
Fixes and fine
Off ticks this land of mind
I’ve got a club
Blank ticket stub
“Mark my words” a dub
Rickets, warning sign pickets
The flower queen’s
Mistress
She's a misses
What’s it mean?
Deep six unforeseen
Kisses
Liar in my dreams
I burned and jumped
Off bridges
The girl with no wishes
"Yes,
Jess,
Like you guessed!"
How many ways
How many days
From Sunday
Will you see someday?
It’s the deep
The creep
In your bed
In your head
That said
You’re better off dead
Six isn’t deep
Enough to keep
Me coming back to this storybook ending
I found myself defending
Time not worth spending
What’s a song if it’s not fending
Off a demon?
Seafarer’s wife or a seaman?
I’m just me then

I lost my best friend
I wait for the end
How many songs to mend?
“A curtain call
Is the hurt,” l bawl
I can’t feel without a saw
Where is my strong-arm?
Is my life self-harm?
A phantom
I hold random
Isn’t it handsome?
The fandom?
They just see random
When I am unending poem
Circling in tandem
Each anthem?
They don’t understand them

One bullet one gun
But for me it's just begun
In deep, in deep
This is the sixth stage
The sixth stage of grief
Is when there's no relief

I don’t know where to begin
There’s black ink under my skin
And knives in the eyes and
A disguise in my grin
I was the wolf, the wild within
A child smiled, never to win
A ringer with a revolver
Dial to spin
I can’t pick up the phone
I’m not home
I’m buried
Darkness married

A body I carried
To die
A lover I wearied
To lie
My heart isn’t black
I am not a queen or a Jack
The Ace up my sleeve
Was a Spade
I made
My own death bed
Out of a garden I fed
She fled
I cut out my heart
Ain’t that smart?
Her hands were red
A crown of wild or
Thorns?
Where a girl mourns
The day she said
“I’m better off dead”

Because I’ll resurrect the same
The fall of the cards is not a game
It’s in my every family name
Go back from where you came
Well I’d crawl in a hole of shame
But there’s a flame
Of an oven
And I’ve said enough when
There’s no repercussion

credits

released February 19, 2023

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Pyrophoria Atlanta, Georgia

The one woman band from Atlanta, Georgia.

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