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Antiheroine

by Pyrophoria

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    I wrote this as though no one would ever hear it.

    Metal, Hip-Hop, Singer-songwriter, Alternative, Pop (a couple of these often blended in one song), several orchestral arrangements, exotic scales, and a variety of different instruments including all guitars, keyboard, synthesizer, drum machine, drum set, cello, violin, mandolin, banjo, xylophone, and Russian balalaika.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    65
    releases

    Get all 65 Pyrophoria releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Hills, Synthetic, so what, God's Gonna Cut You Down, Beautiful Violence, Vivid, Therapy Money, Reinvention, and 57 more. , and , .

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1.
Sometimesland 03:14
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There’s a place I used to go to Place I used to go to Place I use to go Wouldn’t you like to know Never grow up I couldn’t help it though Mother screaming in my head She screams at night in her bed There is black water I tread I think I am better off dead I cried one time because we all die She said there’s a place we go to in the sky I still don’t know why I was glad or was I? What was her alibi Was there a place for me to nullify These songs are saws I want no applause This is my story there are dropped jaws These songs are gauze My mother is 57 and she gnaws She is demented now from what she caused The dark of her has claws Her memory evaporates not fogs Can’t run but they think her mind jogs Her mind and her brain are just at odds Go on and pray to all the gods Tell her fairy tales and she just nods This album is not made To watch fade It should be played Like you hold a blade It was meant to abrade In that I am not afraid I am the girl that strayed I will not be portrayed As the girl who stayed I don’t know where to go, age 28 I ran so hard away it got too late Don’t want to see her again, may not have to wait Why does she remember me when I don’t communicate She forgot what she did and I don’t commiserate There’s a storm front she can vacate There’s a drawn out end I anticipate Memories bleed, they don’t acclimate I can’t look at her for the hate Sometimesland is where I go to hide Life is jagged on the in and outside
2.
Saws 02:30
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I started rapping because I wanted to I ran out of bizarre things to do It’s free verse, something new I can tell my story plain, how about you My story is not sad It’s tragically bad I stay mad I lost what I had No I’m not glad My notepad Was waterlogged I monologued Got it wrong Got along A non song A hot saw Dropped jaw Shoptalk Cropped off Dropped off Blocked off If only it would stop I was at the top When I felt the drop The villain withdraws A scarecrow with no straws She feels claws The saws Are gauze There is no pause For applause Are you what belongs No I am followed by a black dog Brain early morning fog My my mind races in a jog Backlog Fingerprints on a doorknob Why was it my life they chose to rob Trampled by a mob Wounds of salt on a cotton swab I feel my broken heart throb I thought to sob Where was the storm’s calm All my life they read my palm Like a bomb All my life I was beaten on I was moth drawn Waited for my black swan But it was in the wrong And I wait for dawn But the light is gone I don’t write to people please I write unsung stories that no one sees Sometimes they discover these But I am a redwood and they know only trees These poems are keys They are seeds None of the thieves Can take from these An artist never concedes Writes never reads Explodes then proceeds I am jagged, it was too late I was already at the wrong gate On the wrong date Not thinking straight I think I no longer hate What is hate but strife too late I no longer wait I am a heroine and I narrate I am no villain, that is not my fate This is a story they won’t celebrate These are the saws that I create Jagged like hot saws to the touch My songs point to what hurts too much
3.
Jagged 03:56
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I’m bipolar and I scare everyone If this were AA I’d get a chip like I’d won But if I had addiction I’d just be done All these fucking people follow me They can’t swallow me All these pills just hollow me I let them swallow me I’m never going to the psych ward again You can’t fix what has broken built-in All they ever do is ask where I’ve been 7 pills and I don’t know who I was I stay away like a jagged person does I love no one and am living just because My therapist is the head of my household I am how old Frown told Now fold Route bold Out cold Mouth closed Doubt those Who shout no’s I am made of prose The heroine no one knows A villain is all that shows Do you know you chose To close Your windows On what grows Not from a water hose That froze Like how the nose You don’t predispose To not sure how it goes Your grudge shows I am low of the lows You don’t tap your toes The music slows Strike a pose Grandiose Fear-monger dominos I’m in the shadows The butt of jokes I fight the most Lived on the ropes Never gave up hopes That I could do their don’ts They said I hope she chokes No the the jailhouse goes up in smoke Says the girl long since diagnosed As one of the bipolar scapegoats This is my story and this is in quotes My life does not go in the footnotes
4.
Scar 03:24
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Bartender asked me how I got all those The scars that showed through my clothes I’m a scar you don’t have to expose Femme fatale stands on the edge Last one forever her pledge I always loved when they fought Like I was something that could be bought Sorry boys a scar is all I got Where was I Looking myself in the eye White lights why White lights lie Tell mirror hi I am on the tile floor Standup for the door You are a whore Fucking whore What’s more Is it’s what you asked for Who do you blame It was all a game The beginning of shame Hotel lobby what’s his name He catches me all the same Am I on a chain I’m lost his gain What will remain I am a gas main With no flame I am tame We are at my house now I don’t know how I don’t know how I’ll allow
5.
Little Red with the Gun 02:35
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Suicide Queen says off with her head The red The girl seeing red Paint it black instead The wolf came and she put him to bed What is this in my head Sitting counter-topped A pin dropped Knife behind a door locked Door knocked Child with smirk mocked The voice can’t be stopped It was little red In the kitchen with a revolver to her head Why does it want me dead Time fled Time mislead Time will tell nothing but lies And look to see your eyes It moves counterclockwise Til you’re itty bitty small in size The moment dies Is this a disguise A martyr cries When can I be wise This is the highest of highs Here comes sunrise Am I sawed in half I have to laugh On the magicians behalf Oh freak show, get my autograph Freak flag on a staff My poem was a run on paragraph This is my final draft You all are just daft I rock the life raft Ha ha ha Now that I have your attention I must mention My dissension That this ends on She speaks in tongues She swings off of rungs Laughter in her in lungs What will we do Girl split in two She woke up anew And asked I am who? She lets a storm brew The sky bleed out blue The Oracle always knew Bullet through and through Little Red with the smile singing boo hoo Dream sequence come to This life will not do Paint it black, black like a tattoo Black, black magic Voodou The story was untrue I cannot cut into A mirror overdue It will skew From this point of view Little red finally picked up the gun The match is how her life begun Little red Little redwood
6.
Key on the Kite 03:54
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Autumn storm, black umbrella Hearse to come like Cinderella I sang a siren song a capella I opened up my bleeding novella I hung the only key to my heart On a kite and waited for a spark I don’t know why I wander on What should I let stay gone Leaden jar or stay withdrawn It came down like every electron Rule of threes Whose are these Damsel sees Me me me’s I am a redwood, you know only trees Get on your knees Oh young girl I’ve hung so many keys And what I mean to say is please The liar gets on the trapeze How many we’s How many at ease It’s been dark all fall Like a rain dance hall The storm tried to forestall I stood itty bitty small In a rumbling downfall My kite a rag doll Thundercloud above it all And I just wanted to see I wanted to see see see for me me me Who could it be What strikes me for the key The kite was meant for a tree Oh no no the kite went free And now it’s on a spree Toying with a rule of three Warm like summer and black tea Wounds of salt of the Dead Sea No guarantee But I plea To feel the electricity To see And then I left reality And then she came with me
7.
A Drug Heinous 04:58
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I have what you need I need you out of greed I know where you are keyed Want me want me you haunt me I am a drug heinous a drug famous I am a drug that scares you blind I am not a villain of your kind I need someone out of my mind I write this because it hurts And I need you to hurt me first The first cut is not the worst Blind blind One of a kind Rare find Don’t remind Scared her Blind Blind Blind sided One sided Why did I rid Girl divided Undecided Misguided Don’t drive it I might fight it Goodbye then How many out of ten In the end I begin I find another again I’m a drug so quit me then I don’t know where you’ve been But I feel her grin And the room spin If not now when I get under their skin I am a gateway to the way in They say they hate the comedown They last time around Words hit the ground Silence is the sound Nowhere to be found I didn’t do anything wrong I am a villain all story long Then it closes shut like a song Please don’t drag it on I never hurt you; I showed you dawn You were the star I wished upon My black painted swan They like the way they’ve withdrawn She claims tolerance and the girl is gone
8.
Spider 04:03
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By a thread I wish I was dead A spider spun Come someone I am a spider An outsider Get the broom There is no room For me here In the clear It’s here I survive Fear me I thrive Fear me I thrive I’ll eat you alive Itty bitty small Climb the wall When will it catch I cannot detach Venom they vilify Decry an evil eye My silk is strong They have me wrong And rain on me as I spin In my story I rise again I just start again Everyday I spin I can’t win I can’t begin There’s no butterfly built in Here I’ve always been Here I’ll always live I don’t forgive I am resistive I will outlive My teeth like a shiv Down the waterspout I slid Who are you to kid I did what I always did You are just a katydid Firefly and I closed the lid I’m not the villain god forbid I’d have crashed the ship On board your power trip I would make the seams rip Make the balance tip Burned the house with me in it No I will not quit In this life I take the fall and the hit And say this ain’t shit I get what I get I carry on while the small ones flit I spin shine as I knit I don’t forgive but I do let it quit There are too many war crimes to commit And I’d be a hypocrite I once was a villain I admit Never a victim don’t forget But my life is mine and you can sit I am the heroine and the misfit Best read the fucking script It’s here I survive Fear me I thrive Fear me I thrive I’ll eat you alive
9.
Saboteur 02:41
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My purpose in life is disorder Badlands is my side of the border I want the headline to read the new Manson I want to hold the status quo ransom I’m odd but I’m the eight ball We both go down if I take the fall Hear ye hear ye faces of fuck I’ve come here again to fuck shit up Now who wants to try their luck
10.
Evil Is 03:15
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You all worship a dead end sign No one leaves an imprint behind Once was lost now where do I find A follower with a fucking sound mind Evil is defining what’s right Heaven ruined by black and white Oh their idol is not so grand I think different should be banned You’re not bright enough to understand Your blind hatred is not on brand Evil is defining what’s right Heaven ruined by black and white Go to hell? Well here I am You fell for a fucking scam A social club and guilt program Does it look like god gives a damn
11.
BDFM 03:00
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B-A-D Which BBC Like on TV? NVM NBD Tell AOC The GOP Will never go for THC And ask the CDC To see Each and every degree Next they’ll say COVID is cured by CBD Tripping like on LSD Not SAD I’m MAD I wish I never got my MD Now I just want TNT Turn it off ASAP The apocalypse TBD You’re all the MVP Let it burn IDC Radio! Hell - o ! Beats you blind “I love it” you whine Stick out your behind Yes yes words to find What makes us out of our mind I don’t want kind Please explosion time Ha ha how divine To mime The shine Of the headline Wish it was our crime Commercial pull up Amazon prime Du bist Klein BD-FM BD-SM SM B-A-D zolpidem PRN Tylenol PM REM Worship the IBM You’re an acronym Like DIM Don’t inform me CNN Take out your SIM In a world where you weigh in FTW fuck tards win Coming in At 0 BPM I run circles, Femme Inem You choke on ESPN Your MDM Time for a beating again The words the words claw within BD- BD FM Hey girl oh yeah hey girl hey A fucking anthem of our day What are the trying to say They’re in your head anyway They come out of your airway BD-FM just sing ok Dominatrix wants her pay Oh shiny almighty you pray Here’s my PIN I’m at the ATM BD- BD- FM Listen PRN They grin Just say when
12.
Dumpster Diver 02:18
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I get a second chance I didn’t want They said it’s yours, pick your favorite font I stood on the sidewalk of Piedmont How is a new life so nonchalant I am tooth and nail surviving Broken dream dumpster diving What does this mean heretofore There’s a window not an open door I’m on the very highest floor There is a revolver sitting in the drawer I am tooth and nail surviving Broken dream dumpster diving I have my songs, my saws always They have gotten me through the days Though still unsung is my blaze There’s a trail that goes with a phrase
13.
tape open your eyelids 01:30
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Do you like who you are Treading through the black tar I am a poem ajar I am an exposed scar I fell and skinned my knee They said this is how it will be One day you’ll wake and see But nothing ever stops me Tape open your eyelids This is how it’s done kids Tape open your eyelids Do you see kids God forbids Nicotine forgives Well this is how she lives Making shivs Flicking ashes claiming show biz A doll of his Gee wiz Three pigs One of twigs Said I can break your bones This is my home Well ok I have a stone And you’re a stone throws away With that fucking tone Shitty house gets blown Down To the ground No one around To hear the sound The stupid bitch is the same House made up of a game Pick a card, the deed in my name So who will you blame It would have bit you if any more plain Do your eyes go to your brain Did you jump through the window pane Hello hello you’re in my chain The weakest link to detain I rise though insane Kill me out of disdain You’re just going to complain Run into a fucking wall You are too tall I am itty bitty small An eight but oddball But I brace for a fall You take the escalator in your local mall And do Coke in a bathroom stall You are a know it all Because of a friend you call You are a Neanderthal I’m a stone in your wall Because you go into withdrawal With a breach of protocol You crawl In the long haul Tap each eyeball And see nothing at all You went blind Trying to find A painless way to get behind You collapse like a mine You say where do I sign The deed is done, are you fine Your house is cheap but it does confine Tape open your eyelids This is how it’s done kids
14.
Fly Butter Knife 02:37
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When I was a child I caught the lies My life moved too quickly clockwise I grew up with knives in my eyes They said old soul, she is wise I said before the window there’s a disguise I said one day the kite in a tree flies My story is still untold I no longer have a hold A butterfly didn’t unfold A villain breaks the mold How do I know if it’s my curtain call I was a wildflower on the wrong side of the wall Swung and missed and was pegged by the ball A black eye is the window to a fall A black eye gets you looks if any at all I got back up and stood itty bitty small I stood and shook the tree every day You will never keep my flight away The kite came down like a June sun ray I sewed it up and it flew like a jay
15.
Ocean Wide 03:18
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Look past the sea I see into me This is infinity I am nowhere to be Somehow I went free Kite and a key I went far out like into the sun A new story has just begun Ocean wide wounded Redwood rooted Electrocuted The jagged excluded Words denuded Words illumined I bring poems to life I shook open the strife This is not for a knife Don’t know what it’s like Blank page white I became the light

about

This is an autobiography written in a series of poems.

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released January 9, 2022

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Pyrophoria Atlanta, Georgia

The one woman band from Atlanta, Georgia.

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